When I lost my mother, I was very small and didn't understand what was happening. It didn't hurt me much since I was small, but yes I miss her. When I lost my Malliaunty (my aunt is more than Mom to me) I couldn't accept it. I felt lonely and I felt like a small kid crying for help. But when I lost my grandmother my reaction was completely different. I didn't miss my Grandma, I missed my friend - my cute, chubby Amminikutty who has the sweetest smile in the whole world.
My Ammamma (Grandmother) used to come and stay with us when we were small, but she never read stories for us. Instead she spoke about Shah Rukh Khan and Gauri Khan (thanks to Roopesh chettan). They were her favorite couple. She was worried why Gauri Khan wasn't getting pregnant (lol). And felt very happy when we told her that Mrs. Khan is pregnant. Later she became a fan of Tamil star Surya (thanks to my sister Vava).
I rarely saw her cry. She was always ready for good jokes, movies, serials and healthy gossips. She gave birth to six kids and lost four of them at their best age. Being a Mom now, I can't imagine how she handled all that pain. She never cried in front of us. She always hid all her pain and welcomed us whenever we went to see her. I admire how strong she was as a woman.
She was different from other ladies in her generation.. She was the only person I know in her generation who could think practically and accept that love between a boy and a girl is a normal thing to happen. She wasn't a very religious person and never complained about us wearing modern clothes. I love this quality of hers.
I miss her terribly now. But am glad that God dint make her bed ridden or suffer physically. Till her last few days she enjoyed her favorite food and her favorite TV shows. But I wish I had tried to make her open up and cry out all the pain she had kept in her heart.
While I was writing this blog, I couldn't write any sentence in past tense. I had to go back and correct everything. I hope my heart will soon accept that she is gone - my friend with shining eyes and beautiful smile.
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