A friend who opened my eyes....

Today I am writing about something that happened 3 years ago. Like every girl in her mid-twenties, I was getting pressure from my family for marriage. Since I lost my parents, the pressure was solely on me. I created a Bharat matrimony account and started searching for my groom myself. It wasn't as fun as I thought it would be. I didn't know then that finding a groom and fixing marriage is one of the longest project that we have to do. Being born to Hindu parents, I got a friend soon after birth who decides what  I do in my life or what happens to my life and when I could possibly go to heaven. That friends name is "Horoscope".

OK, so this horoscope is the first level of approval for every Hindu boy/girls marriage. Then the second level is parents/relatives and the third and the last, and the least important level is the boy and girls approval. So yes I found a great groom for myself, a very good human being, smart, handsome and working abroad. My horoscope approved, my family approved, and to my surprise we fell in love with each other pretty soon. For every girl this should be a jackpot, they will be on cloud 9, but not me. I started getting my bridal nerves very early. I felt like I was going to die. I felt like my heart is stopping, I felt as if I could not breathe, I felt as if I couldn't gulp down the food. To be short, I thought I either have a heart disease or cancer. And I met almost every doctor in a very famous hospital in Pune, near to my office. My colleagues were either surprised or amused by this change in me. 

Then a new guy joined the office in my team, my replacement. A dark, slim guy with a very friendly smile. That was the first time I saw a guy who is this humble in his life. I took him as my student, and started my knowledge transfer in the monitoring tool that I was working on. We became friends really fast. I started telling him the tensions that I have. He kept telling me that I am perfectly normal. But I was not ready to accept. Then one day he told me that we will go for tea alone. I said Ok, then we went to cafeteria. I noticed him taking a small book with him when we started. When we reached the cafeteria, he opened the book and showed me a picture of a very chubby and healthy 10 year old kid. I asked him whose picture was that. To my surprise he told me that it was him. That little boy didn't resemble him at all.

He told me that when he was 10 year old, he got Chron's disease which almost took his life. As a 10 year old he had to go through very complicated surgeries and medications. I couldn't even imagine his and his parents's mental state and tension at that time. He told me that after all this happened, he is still living happy and positive. He told  me "You are really healthy, and be thankful to God for that and enjoy the most you can". After that conversation with him in cafeteria I never had doubts on my health. I learned the biggest lesson in life from him. You are lucky to have "today", this hour, this minute and this moment. Make the best use of this day and be grateful to God for giving you the same, because there many people out there who wish to be in your place.

Thanks to you my dear friend. God brings people to your life to teach you lessons in life. In that one day, you opened my eyes and taught the best lesson of my life. You didn't know me that much then, you could have just ignored me, or could have looked at me like a mad girl worrying unnecessarily on silly things. But you decided to help me in-spite of all your doubts on me as a stranger. You openly spoke to me about something that is very personal to you and your family. You decided to share the positivity in you with me. I hope there are more people like you in the world to make it a better and happy place.

Thanks so much for being with me and helping me in those tough times. I am not a great writer, still I would like to dedicate this article to you.

To my student....

Thought from Above

I have always felt that someone guides me to happiness. Whenever I am in a bad phase of life or whenever I feel like losing myself ,some invisible energy helps me to find peace and love. I never thought of it this way, but something that happened today gave me a lot of happiness and love. I was sitting in my bedroom trying to ward off the negative thoughts rushing into my mind. I was desperately trying to find a way to make my life better. I was feeling bad that I have to adjust to so many selfish and stupid people around me. Then "it" happened....

My Gratitude book fell from the small table in my bedroom. In my Gratitude book, i give thanks to everything beautiful happened on that day. My Moms picture sits on the same table and I felt like she was reminding me to be thankful to many things that I have right now with me. I have education, I can talk to anyone without fear, I am confident, I have very loving and supportive friends, I can drive....and the list goes on. 

When there are difficult people in your life and when you have to endure such people, you tend to lose your peace and happiness. The only way to get your happiness and peace back is to learn to ignore them and stay away from them. Few things that can help you with this is

1. Accept that they are never going to change.

2. Accept that they will always irritate you to bring out the bad in you.

3. Sympathize with such a person for being so low in character.

4. Ignore their games.

5. Avoid spending time with them as much as you can

6. Learn to enjoy your life.

Sometimes in life you have to let fools play their game and watch it from outside. This will prove to yourself that, you are matured enough to not join them and you are not fool enough to stop them. 

Thanks Mom for making me think today and for helping me concentrate on my life and happiness. Thanks for showing that you are there with me.  

My Grandma NO My Amminikutty

When I lost my mother, I was very small and didn't understand what was happening. It didn't hurt me much since I was small, but yes I miss her. When I lost my Malliaunty (my aunt is more than Mom to me) I couldn't accept it. I felt lonely and I felt like a small kid crying for help. But when I lost my grandmother my reaction was completely different. I didn't miss my Grandma, I missed my friend - my cute, chubby Amminikutty who has the sweetest smile in the whole world.

My Ammamma (Grandmother) used to come and stay with us when we were small,  but she never read stories for us. Instead she spoke about Shah Rukh Khan and Gauri Khan (thanks to Roopesh chettan). They were her favorite couple. She was worried why Gauri Khan wasn't getting pregnant (lol). And felt very happy when we told her that Mrs. Khan is pregnant. Later she became a fan of Tamil star Surya (thanks to my sister Vava).

I rarely saw her cry. She was always ready for good jokes, movies, serials and healthy gossips. She gave birth to six kids and lost four of them at their best age. Being a Mom now, I can't imagine how she handled all that pain. She never cried in front of us. She always hid all her pain and welcomed us whenever we went to see her. I admire how strong she was as a woman.

She was different from other ladies in her generation.. She was the only person I know in her generation  who could think practically and accept that love between a boy and a girl is a normal thing to happen. She wasn't a very religious person and never complained about us wearing modern clothes. I love this quality of hers.

I miss her terribly now. But am glad that God dint make her bed ridden or suffer physically. Till her last few days she enjoyed her favorite food and her favorite TV shows. But I wish I had tried to make her open up and cry out all the pain she had kept in her heart.

While I was writing this blog, I couldn't write any sentence in past tense. I had to go back and correct everything. I hope my heart will soon accept that she is gone - my friend with shining eyes and beautiful smile.

Second March 2016 - Laugh, Live and Let Live

Another great day is ending with lot of happiness and learning. It was a great sunny day, but a bit chilly too. Today my little one year old taught me how to forget all worries and tensions and laugh out loud. After breakfast he was playing with his toys, and then he suddenly looked at me, opened his mouth wide and laughed at me. It was so cute and funny, I also started laughing with him. We laughed and played for a long time. It made my day. We adults always forget to laugh, we are always thinking and running something behind our minds - like how to finish my project, how to dress up for party, what to cook for dinner, how to make money etc. All our days wind up with polite smiles to others and less laughs. Laugh more whenever you get an opportunity, if you don't get  an opportunity, create one. A day passed in your life can never be gained, hence make sure there is something to laugh and enjoy in your everyday.

Later I spoke to my aunt. She is a retired teacher, and still don't miss a chance for teaching (kidding). She is a person with lot of knowledge and wisdom. You always leave with lot of wise advice and good feeling after a conversation with her. Today when I spoke to her she told me about how we should see our motherhood and career and how we should handle our lives. She told me, kids learn to adjust and understand more in life when their Moms are working. They learn to respect other individuals and their decisions. They will grow up knowing that life is sharing of joys, sorrows and off course responsibilities. They will learn to take responsibilities in life. When you have financial difficulties you end up bringing lot of negative thoughts into your life. Worry always bring lot of other problems, and it can even affect good relations. Another reason is when you sacrifice too much for your child, you will later tend to put that sacrifices in the form of emotional blackmail on your kids. So make sure you think about yourself too.Its important for a great family life. Women is the pillar of a family, only  if that women is strong, confident and happy about herself she can make her family happy. Hence make sure you give importance to yourself and your dreams too. This was the first time my aunt spoke to me so openly, most of the times it used to be general advises. Thanks to her, I felt really good and positive after talking to her.

After lunch, I thought of taking my son to a new neighbor. I met her in a birthday party and came to know that she stays very near to us. I thought she is a naive and innocent person. She has two kids, hence I took my son there to play with them. This was the first time I went to her house. The person I saw there surprised me. She was sitting and coding in PHP, creating a new application from the scratch for a school. I was so dumbfounded, but at the same time I felt shame on myself for judging her too fast on the day of party. You have to keep your mind open to understand others, if you keep it closed and narrow you will end up with lot of false assumptions about others. She is smart, simple and a nice person, who even offered to teach me. I left her house thinking how wrong and immature I was. It taught me a great lesson in life. Never be too proud of yourself and never think others are ignorant or unimpressive. 

There is a lot to learn in your life once you keep your mind open. Hence keep your eyes and mind open for good.

"Life is queer with its twist and its turns,

As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When they might have won, had stuck it out.
Don't give up though the pace seems slow,
You may succeed with another blow."

-Anonymous (from http://www.behappyzone.com/poems.html )

First of March 2016 - Learn to Ignore the bad and Count your blessings..

First of March 2016, Spring is nearing, excitement and happiness is building. It looks like weather today reflected my mood- a bright, peaceful and happy day. If you are wondering what I learned from today, here it is.

"Understand YOU through others".That would be the best way to do self check. When you are in conversation with a person, you suddenly realize that the other person is saying/doing something that You usually say/do. And at times you get irritated at their behavior or other times you feel good. I have had similar experiences many times in my life. Even today it happened. It makes me think how it feels when I do the same to others. And it has always helped me improve myself. For instance I used to be very defensive, whether I am doing right or wrong I used to defend myself a lot. In my life I met someone who is exactly like that and I felt their behavior infuriating. After that, I learned to accept when I am wrong. Being defensive is a childish and immature behavior which can only bring shame to yourself.

"Count your Blessings - through others".Count your blessings, count your blessings, count your blessings. This is something you can see in every self help book, blog and article. Why not count your blessings through others. There are times in life when you don't realize what your loved ones are doing for you. This happens when you are too much worried about yourself and becomes self-centered. Other people you know or meet can help you with this. For instance when you see a friend of yours having tough time with her husband, you realize how understanding and loving your husband is. When you see someone's mother being less understanding to their kids, you realize how friendly and understanding your Mom has been. Then you actually think how blessed you are to have such great, loving people in your life. This actually helps you to count your blessings.

"Ignore things that aren't important". In the 24 hours of your day, there can be 100 things happening. And you can't expect everything to be good. It can be good or bad. Don't get too excited or disappointed at anything. Ignore the bad and cherish the good. This can help you a lot. A colleagues taunt, an angry customer, a failed attempt, an embarrassing incident - it can be anything, but learn to throw it in the dustbin. Its a tough thing to do, but once you master it by practice, it can bring a lot of serenity to your life.

The only way you grow in this life is by learning and improving yourself. Since humans are social animals, the best way to do that is through the people in your life. You start feeling good about yourself when you are improved and mature. And when you feel good about yourself, everyone else will. Have a good day!

Leap Year - Twenty Nine Feb

This day is a Leap Day for me, since it opened a bag of ideas to make my life better. We humans are learning from every day of our life, hence today I decided to use my blog to share what I learn from each day.

So lets go to Today - Leap Year 2016 02/29/2016

The biggest lesson I learned today is to "take your life in your hands and decide what to do with it". Yes, I knew this long before, but there is a difference between knowing and realizing. So let me put it this way - 2day I realized to decide whether I want my life to be good or bad. I started my day today in a very bad mood. Depression, disappointment and hopelessness loomed around me. I didn't want my life to continue this way, I wanted the old me back - the happy go lucky me. And then I decided to make the most out of this pleasant sunny day.

I changed my one year old and got myself dressed up and there we were,out in the sun. We had a good walk and spent some time with friends. When I reached back home, I was happy and positive. I made dinner for my family.I cooked something different from our everyday meals, believe me even that simple change in my routine and menu made me feel a lot better. "Bring change to your life". Without change you would end up living a life of boredom. Good changes make you enjoy what you do.

"When you do something, do as if you are an expert in it". The end result might be good or bad, but if you do it like a master, that will boost up your confidence and thus your happiness. Today I tried making traditional sourdough bread (note: I have never baked anything in my life). I kneaded the dough like an expert. If anyone would have seen me at that time, they would have thought I am some master chef at baking. I turned my oven to 450 degrees and kept my dough and minutes later I got a very burnt dough which didn't rise even an inch. Instead of feeling bad, I thought about the way I was trying to copy the chef on TV and instantly I found myself so funny and started laughing my guts out :D.

This day made me realize that I have so much power on myself.

 I didn't get irritated or sad at my crying baby, instead I handled him pretty well and kept myself calm and found myself very understanding. I didn't get tired by the thought of making dinner, instead I made it with ease and pleasure. I didn't get weak or tired, instead I felt ten years younger. I finished my work earlier and took some peaceful time for myself. I started a new book, a new post, a new hobby and a great new perspective on life. Thankful to God/Universe for bringing this day into my life and for making it a wonderful one.

Boys Vs Girls?

Fortunately I grew up with a family where the dreams, likes and dislikes of girls and boys are considered or seen equal.They believed that both men and women have same level of hunger, thirst, dreams, likes and voices in their lives.Yes, we were among the lucky ones, and am also lucky to have a husband who support my dreams and helps me achieve it. But this is not the case for many families in India. Many girls are not allowed to achieve their goals, in fact, they are not even allowed to have a goal. Mothers groom their girls to be a perfect wife/daughter-in-law, They forget to make them good, strong, smart individuals. A famous director (women) once said that its cruel to put a stop to women's dreams. SO TRUE!!

There are families in India, where seperate rules are laid out for for men and women. When men can have their own dreams, women can't. When men can wear whatever they want, women has to wear or chose dresses which every member of the family likes or approves.Why are people still so narrow minded? Men can get tired, but women can't. What the hell? Why there are so many "No"s to women. Aren't we stopping a girl child from dreaming and achieving her dreams.How unfair?  There are many smart girls who grow up to become silent and unhappy in their lives. What is happening to them? The family they are born or the family they are married to are forcing them to be dumb and deaf. I am not a feminist, but very closed friends or people in my life are preys of this Indian mentality.

What can we do about it? Many things.

1. Talk to the girls and make them believe that they should have their goals, and they should work hard to achieve them. Work hard to learn, work hard to make the people in her life understand and accept her as an individual.

2. Find a job and be independent. At least they get 8 to 9 hours a day to be themselves.

3. Slowly make other people in your life understand that there is a person inside you like their son, who has goals, and who loves stand on her own feet.

4. Parents please make sure that your daughter goes to a family where she will be given respect. And also appreciation for the wonderful person she is.

5. Spend some of your salary for your family or husband's family members who still hold on to this old thinking. Who doesn't like gifts?

6. Focus on your goal, whatever it may happen.

7. If you have .1% chance of getting an opportunity to learn, grab it and use it to achieve your goal.

These are just few of my ideas to help yourself and people who need help. I know many women who wants to raise their voice against this Indian mentality, but they cant due to so many factors in their lives. But once they/You learn to stand for themselves, no one can stop you from achieving it.